Can men and women be friends?

This question was raised in the 1989 film, When Harry Met Sally. Today we ask it again. Can men and women be friends? Here is my short answer. Yes...as long as they both realize and accept that the friendship will evolve as life circumstances change. We could leave it at that and move on to the next topic, but we would miss out on all of the good stuff that I know we really want to talk about anyway. So let me go ahead and give you my long answer.

When we say that a man and woman become friends, I think we are able to fit that friendship into three categories.

1. They are both attracted to each other
2. One is attracted to the other, but not both
3. Neither is attracted the other

Let me also further define what I mean by "attraction". For this purpose we are talking about physical attraction exclusively. We have already established that there is a friendship, so by definition we can assume that this couple enjoys each other's company and desires to spend time together. So now we can look at the affects that each of these categories has on the relationship.

1. If both are attracted to each other then there will almost always be that time when they "hook up". Sometimes this turns into the "friends with benefits". For whatever reason, the couple determines that they are better off as friends. This obviously creates issues within the relationship and boundaries will need to be defined as the friendship develops.

2. If only one is attracted to the other then there is great potential for that person to get hurt, even unintentionally. There will always be that remnant of hope that things could change within the relationship. More often than not, it won't change and the success of the relationship will be balanced on the no-nonsense communication that is shared.

3. If by chance neither person finds the other physically attractive, then the relationship is free to grow, void of the poisons of lust. I would venture to say that these are the relationships that are the healthiest and most carefree.

Having said all this...I think the most crucial part in the entire relationship is having the understanding that things will (and should) change as soon as one gets involved with another person. Again, I am talking about friendships that are more than just casual acquaintances. One of the most dangerous things in a dating or married relationship is jealousy. Your partner should be the one you choose to spend the most time with. He/she should be your top priority. In fact, I know many couples who have established boundaries within the relationship making time alone with someone from the opposite sex a no no. For them, it is not about lack of trust. Rather, it is about carefully guarding the relationship and strengthening the level of commitment to each other. I believe that those boundaries can only be defined by the couple. But I do believe that in most relationships, if not all, the opposite sex friendships have evolved into something new at this point.

For our friends, Harry and Sally...well, they realized that their friendship was all they needed in life. In fact, I don't think they could have lived without each other. Which reminds me...my friend John once said that to find someone who you could live with is one thing, but to find someone who you cannot live without...well, that is love.