To continue this thought, I will begin with point 2:
2. Know your network
Not only does this have to start with the successful implementation of point 1, be comfortable in your own skin, but it truly reinforces the application of it. Your network of friends, coworkers, family, etc...is your ticket to better odds. Imagine trying to do alone what 50 or more could do more effectively. These are the match-makers. And let's be honest, there are at least a dozen of your friends out there who would love nothing more than to set you up with that great guy. But how can they successfully do that, if you have not mastered step 1? Know who you are...and be who you are, at all times. You, your friends, and everyone else will know exactly who your match is (or at least get close trying). The odds are better, and the success is surely higher. However, I must admit that I have seen devastation occur in the match-making process. If this occurs then I would suggest re-evaluating your friends list.
3. Give a little of yourself to others
It is truly better to give than to receive. Why is this important and how is this relevant to finding that great guy? Everyone gravitates to givers. The takers and the givers both want to be around people who are generous towards others. It is this "others first and me last" mentality that draws people towards you. Practice it and master it.
4. Practice your kissing
Use your arm if you have to. The first kiss is the road map for how the rest of the relationship is going to go. Too sloppy suggests that you are out of control and have no real direction in life. Too aggressive warns him that you are overpowering and controlling. Too soft means that you lack desire or self confidence. Too short tells him that you lack passion and romance. But the right balance of sweetness and desire lets him know that passion will never be a problem in this relationship. The kiss is one of the most deliberate and intimate acts in romance.
5. Let him pay the bill
Sure, this is the 21st century and the age of women's lib. But men are still made out of the same mould. We are providers by nature. We come in all shapes and sizes, but every man has an innate desire to feel needed and to feel respected. Let him be that man, and show him how much you need him. I promise that greatness will follow.
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2 comments:
Well...all of this sounds on target.
Network:
However, what to do when you have a great circle of friends (ages 25 - 60+) and yet none of them know a soul to set you up? The guys say things like...Oh, xyz guy friend? Yeah, I wouldn't set him up with someone nice like you. How many times have I heard this??? Several. Now, I know we all have friends that we like for different reasons, but what does this say?? I am willing to meet someone at least once and see if there is any attraction there...you don't know if you don't try. I don't hold those meetings against people if it's not the ideal match.
Give Of Yourself:
I totally agree. No one wants a one-sided relationship and certainly no one wants to be surrounded by only takers...I will say that being thoughtful and thinking about others outside of your bubble can be more challenging for others than one might imagine... I have been accused of giving too much. Not sure whre that falls on your list of do's and dont's in finding Mr. Right.
Will Gladly Practice Kissing!!
I am a BIG FAN of kissing. In fact, kissing is by far the most intimate and one of the most fun things you can do as a couple. It really does connect you. I will say that the first kiss can be a bit off and the rest that follow can be in sync - sometimes there's nervous energy or timing that throws the first one off a bit...No face licking. Girls so don't like face licking - or the tongue stuck way down your throat like a telescope or something crazy. There is a rhythm that should be natural...and exciting. To me, if this isn't there it's a no go.
Paying The Bill
This is fine. I agree. I am all for woman's lib, but it's nice to be shown that someone cares and these are little ways you can tell. In today's world though I hate for the guy to pay all the time - every time, etc. It's okay to share a bill from time to time and I think it's okay for the woman to pay if she plans the "date." to mix things up. This would usually apply in situations where you've been dating for awhile...
Making Him Feel Needed/Appreciated -
This is a topic I'd like more feedback on...what are the little ways that show this to a man? In my mind I have a list, but hearing from the horses mouth might provide more insight.
Dear rambling...
If your friends say something like, "I wouldn't set him up with you..." believe them. Chances are, they are right. Remember, we are talking about trying to find that great guy not just someone to pass the time. If you are a risk taker then let your friends know that. If you are alway projecting the real you, then they will understand that about you and take more of a risk when setting you up.
There is a difference between being a great giver and being a door mat. Some people are born to be the hostess, the volunteer, or the go-to-gal. If that is who you are, then embrace it. However, learn to say no when saying yes will interfere with your other commitments. It is not about finding the universal formula to understand how much is too much to give...it's about just being who you are and waiting for your great guy.
I couldn't imagine anyone who would like face licking. Unless, of course, you are my pyrenees puppy. You don't have to stick the perfect landing on the first kiss to know if the chemistry is there. All I can say is that practice always makes perfect.
My caution in paying the bill is to warn you not to come on too strong in the beginning. Every relationship will evolve into a balance of the two personalities, but to get him to bite the line means knowing not to pull the line too quickly. You could scare him off.
As for how to make him feel appreciated...read my blog on what every man needs most.
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