6. Always be honest
What is up with people who don't know how to be real, upfront, and honest about themselves! Let me tell you one way to absolutely lose that great guy...mislead him. Too many people like to play games. Great guys are no longer interested in games. They have reached that point of being comfortable in their own skin so they know exactly what they are looking for in life. The beginning of any relationship where trust is optional, is the beginning of the end.
It is important to understand that brutal honesty does not mean that you must have a perfect past to win him over. No one has a perfect past. The past is what we had to get through in order to be who we are today. A candid approach to our past establishes understanding and trust.
7. Try to avoid dating an old friend
The power of attraction goes a long way. I would say that 9 times out of 10, relationships are born out of immediate attraction. Now...there are certainly exceptions that trump this rule, such as in the case where the two of you were not single upon first meeting. However, I would say that most of the time if the sparks don't fly when you first meet someone then it will be harder to establish that connection after you have seasoned the friendship. It seems to me that you start to force the issue at this point. While it is true that you can have great guy friends, our interest here is not in finding great friends...it is finding that great guy that you can grow old with.
8. Know where to look
I bet you are expecting me to drop the bomb now. Is it at the library, at church, at my local coffee shop? Maybe at the committee meeting of super involved singles united dot com. The answer is none of these. If you set out looking for him, then you will be forcing it to happen. Your great guy is out there, but you will find him when you least expect it. How cliche does that sound? But if you really think about it...it's true. I learned a short time ago that you cannot will something to happen. Much of life is outside of our control. Oh I suppose that you can go to one of those online dating sites, but those places are just as full of desperate, impatient people as the real world. So what makes the cyber world any better?
You don't have to start turning over every stone you encounter. He is out there, and when you find him you will know...because you will be willing to turn your life upside down to be with him. And he will be willing to turn his life upside down to be with you.
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Honesty -
Hello, like there are other options? I guess that maybe people have different versions or should I say levels of honesty? As in the little while lies (No, that doesn't make your butt look big. :-) Trust is the basis for any lasting relationship. And no one has a perfect past, but for some reason there are still plenty of double standards on judgement there for many. Again, I think the more maturity you have (i.e., life under your belt) the more you see the big picture and realize that while life is in the details, some of small stuff just isn't worth sweating over either. It's a balance.
Dating Old Friends -
I don't think I have ever met someone - known them for years then suddenly went - hey, I'd like to date him. Usually I meet someone and either instantly have a spark or connection that seems a bit beyond the friend level - explore that and go from there. I don't think you can force a spark, wait for a spark to happen or even get out several matches and try to flame one up. I think a spark is either there or it isn't. The bummer is when one person thinks there is a mutual spark and turns out there isn't. Maybe there was a flicker for both parties initially but after some time together one decides the friend road is the path to follow. This is all well and good depending on high the flame started out - it brings up the age old question we briefly discussed the other day - can men and women be friends??????? I say yes, but I do think it's a fine line. Can you date and still end up as friends? Sure. Can you be married, divorced and still end up as friends? I've seen it done. I think so much of it has to do with the foundation of your realationship and how the relationship was treated. Rarely does a hot passionate relationship turn into just friends in a year or less -- that can happen when you are 75 and drinking coffee on your front porch. Hopefully you still get a peck on the cheek and pat on the bottom from time to time...the spark should still be there for the long haul - it just sort of evolves as your relationship does. A hot passionate relationship from the beginning will either fizzle in the short run or make it the distance - if the break up is early on those don't tend to then go into friendship stage.
No Magic Place -
Really? I was hoping for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... :-) Darn. You know, I do think you can almost "will" things to happen - not in the open seaseme way, but in the way you live your life, visualize yourself/your life, pray to God, etc. However, so far none of those things have turned up Mr. Right for me. Although, some of this goes back to the original thoughts on timing and free will/choice. Is there someone out there for everyone? Are there multiple someone's out there for everyone? Through the choices we make in life can we go left when we should have turned right? Was he/she right in front of us and we somehow missed the signs??
This sort of thing makes me think of the joke of the strong man of faith who found himself on a roof top during a flood...a canoe comes by and offers to take to dry land - he says, "no, God will save me." A raft comes by next and offers to take him to dry land. "No, God will save me." A few inches more of water later a motor boat comes by and offers to take him in and again he refuses. The man drowns and finds himself in Heaven. He is bewildered. Always priding himself on his strong faith he asks God - why didn't you save me from the flood? God looks at him and says I sent you a canoe, a raft and a motor boat...
On this note I try to put in my prayers to be sure and be real clear when He's trying to tell me something. :-)
And, I do think when you meet someone who is special you turn your life upside down and make time and room for someone else. Anything less is just a sign you are in a one sided relationship...
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