Have you ever noticed that when you first meet someone you process everything you know about that person and then you fill in the gaps with what you hope they could be? Then slowly as you get to know them more, you replace those assumptions with actual characteristics. I think that is what makes meeting someone such an exciting experience, because for the first few moments, they can be the most exciting person you have ever met. More often than not, though, those gaps are filled quickly with unmet expectations and the adrenaline rush that you first felt fades into disappointment and soon becomes the dream that the perfect someone for you is still out there waiting to be discovered.
I think there are two types of people, the optimist who fills the gaps with hope, and the pessimist who fills the gaps with skepticism. Some people may say that the optimists are foolish, allowing themselves to be hurt and revealing too much of themselves. Some people may say that the pessimists are are cold, destroying the relationship with doubt before it ever has a chance to begin. I'm an optimist.
So what does this say about love? How do you know if someone you meet has the potential to steal your heart away? Maybe you know when the gaps keep getting filled with more and more favorable things. Maybe there is no way of knowing until it happens...until you wake up one morning and you say to yourself, "I want to grow old with this person." If I could predict that, then Hollywood would be paying me lots of money to bottle it and sell it on the big screen. I think there is hope inside all of us, optimist and pessimist alike. I think deep down inside beneath all the layers, everyone wants to hold onto the thought that there is someone out there whose gaps are never soured and whose presence fills your heart with joy. I think you have to put yourself out there and allow yourself to be revealed and to allow that other person to be exactly who they are. Not a remnant of your past where experience tarnished one of those gaps to be filled.
So until I wake up that one fine day, I'm going to hold on to the dream and let the gaps be filled with hope. How do you fill the gaps?
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2 comments:
Filling in the gaps...interesting way to put it. It seems that I've always thought more of women doing that then men. You know girl meets boy and says, "Wow! What a smart, nice, good looking guy with pretty eyes, a good job. He's confident and fun to be around...wonder if he could be the one?" Seems like as chicks I've always assumed we do that more than guys.
Maybe as guys get older they do that more as they are more interested in settling down and growing old with someone...when the thrill of the chase isn't as appealing as it once was. When having someone to come home to that brings a smile to your face and still sends a tingle up your spine even though you know each other, faults and all, is more appealing, maybe then. By nature men are hunters and gatherers -- here to plant many seeds and nurture the Earth - that's the theory anyway from many scholars as to why men are much more slow and reluctant to "settle down" and pick one mate for life - also why some don't do so well even when they settle - it just doesn't take so to speak...
There is nothing like meeting someone for the first time and getting to know each other for a series of dates...finding out things you have in common, learning where the scar on their arm came from, why they chose a certain career, where all they have traveled. It's hard not to fill in the gaps I suppose...hard to wait for the layers to be revealed.
As I get older I am still an optimist, but a more cautious one, at least as it relates to my heart. I still in most cases, probably over share or reveal too much (don't guys like mystery? the thrill of the chase?)...I am who I am and I've pretty much been this way forever. What you see is what you get. I guess my relationship detours and full on wrecks along the way have cautioned me and caused me to be much less sure of myself when it comes to giving off signals - much less apt to make a first move -- much less apt to recognize subtle interest from someone else in me. I react better to clear, straight forward signs of interest (although I'm sure everyone does I'm not kidding). This may be good. This may be bad. Who knows?
I approach gaps and hang on to hope that they won't be filled with muck. I will say that in my experience, time and time again, when I've allowed him room to fill in the gaps I've been b-l-o-w-n away with his response. I had hope set at one level and have found that he's taken my hope to a whole new and deeper level. Wow! God, freeze time and allow me just to savor THAT!
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