I bet you thought I was going to say sex. While that is funny and probably a close second, that is not the thing that every man needs most. Any other guesses? The answer...respect. The number one thing you can do to show your man that you need him and that you value him is to respect him. Men operate based on the level of respect they are afforded. I liken it to a car that needs oil. Well lubed, everything fires on all cylinders. But let it get dry and things start to overheat and friction builds up.
Men are performance driven. Whether it is at home or at work, a man's self worth is measured by his success in life. While success can be defined in many different ways, one thing holds true. The feeling of success can be strengthened by the amount of support a man is given.
Men are, by design, made to be the leader in the family. In general, men are bigger, faster, stronger, louder, and most of the time more obnoxious than women. It is only natural that a man feels drawn to lead. This does not mean that women are unable to lead in the family, nor does it mean that a man should lead with force or with arrogance. I believe that a great leader is one who practices humility and who leads with a servant's heart (i.e. Jesus washing his disciples feet; and the level 5 leader as defined by Jim Collins in Good to Great). Rather, this means that it is only instinctive that men serve in a leadership role, and with that leadership the feeling of respect is needed.
So what does this mean to you women who are smarter, and probably more qualified, to lead in the family. That is harder to answer, but I would say that your job would start by learning how to equip your man to lead. Have you ever heard the saying, behind every great man there is a great woman. I know this is going to sound so typical, but let me use a football analogy. While the quarterback is the face man and leader of the team, he is certainly not the only valuable person on the team. If his receivers failed to run their routes, completions would not be made. If his linemen failed to block, he would never get a pass off. All other 10 positions on the field are equally important as the quarterback, and each position should be given 100% effort for the team to succeed.
To equip your leader, you must first respect him. By doing this, you are giving him the opportunity to earn that respect.
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I agree with these thoughts. And, I think for the most part human nature is to start out accepting people at face value and for their word, which equals a certain level of trust and respect if you continue a relationship of any kind as a person’ word holds true. I will say that in many ways trust and respect are, however, earned and as a result come with the responsibility you mentioned to lead. This means leading with respect in regard to all others in the family unit and building a family/life that is good for all involved. It’s not a one person show regarding decisions and family plans.
I also think that for men self worth is most often defined by his career and place in society. That is normal based on how our society structure works. I think for women it can be a bit of the same way also...possibly more so depending on the type of career she has. In some cases the female may have the more high profile or mobile job, which can make for some awkwardness at home. From what I have observed many men don’t like being in the shadow career-wise. This can be difficult for women in the public eye – media anchors, CEO positions.
My career by no means is that high profile or glamorous but I have observed a bit of something – not sure if jealousy is the right word – but it’s when a date accompanies me to community events and realizes that I know 90% of the room and they know 10%. And, even worse when I know their boss and his wife as well or better than he does. It somehow points out they aren’t the most important, all-knowing person in the room and puts me in a position of power or rank above him in his eyes. For obvious reason those relationships never work out, but I will say I have been surprised at the effect this type of scenario has had on men of all levels of success and at a varying ages…it boggles me. This makes me wonder if this is one of many reasons why I see so many men date women who are waitresses, nail techs, customer service reps somewhere where this situation could almost never occur.
I would think a 30+-something year old man would be looking for a woman who has a decent job, owns a home, can pay her bills and take care of herself so that he doesn’t have to be the hero day in and day out in her life – what pressure that would be. Instead the idea of being a knight in shining armor helping a woman compete her education – find a slightly better job – get a car that runs well – help take care of her kids, help with her rent, etc. are all that and a bag of chips to so many guys. Why? Because then the man is always the bigger, better, stronger one and we should be so grateful to be in his presence that his advice or opinion should always be the right one to choose. After all, isn’t he smarter than us? Look how successful he is that he can do that for us…Not to sound contrived, but I have seen this scenario occur over and over so what gives? Where is that crazy line between needing to be rescued every day and being independent? I don’t like drama and I didn’t have a tragic childhood and 99% of the time I am a very happy person. I don’t need to be rescued. I love my parents. I have a slightly nutty extended family, but who doesn’t? I don’t need to be in therapy for five years or on uppers to see me smile at 6am. These things all see to be dating downers…
I await your response and more dialog on if men and women can actually be friends - maybe you can find the time to re-read what I wrote...
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